i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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