My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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