You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
