Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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