why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
