She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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