Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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