You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Be still, my beating vagina.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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