Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
