What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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