I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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