I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
