Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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