you would pick up someone in the library
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
