So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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