oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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