I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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