You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is it because I queefed?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
