Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
