i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize