Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
