That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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