Jerry, you need to find god
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
