I didn't shave. On purpose
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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