He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
