I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
