youre lurking in front of me
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
