I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
