there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
