did you get engaged???
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
