I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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