My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
