I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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