I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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