I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
ttyl tear gas
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
