2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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