since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
