I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
3 2 1 whiskey
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
