You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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