did you get engaged???
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
