is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
