Plan B is the new Plan A
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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