No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
