I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
