so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
