I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She's the barista slut.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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