why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
