Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize