There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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