I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
