I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
