Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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