What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
