Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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