my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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