Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
