So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize