Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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