I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize