My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We had to coat check the pizza.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
