Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
