So drunk its hurt
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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