I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize