Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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