so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize