Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
