He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You made out with two different species that night
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
