Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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