I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
