I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
