would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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