we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
